Thank You

Sometimes they are truly wonderful. He will ask her if he should drive me to the party and she will say, of course. She will look at my costume and tell me (again) that I should have been a ballerina. He will give me a bottle of wine for the host. He will drive me -twenty minutes each way- without complaint. He won’t say a word when -almost there- I change my mind. He will say, I would stay up and play tavli* with you if I wasn’t so tired. In the elevator, he will suddenly kiss my cheek. At home, she will be surprised to see me; she will sound sad and say, Oh, Alexia, why? I promise you would have had fun. 

Sometimes I miss out on great nights because I am suddenly gripped by a fear that I will not be great. I do not know if this was one of those nights but I have realised that I am a bit of a coward, an indoor-cat, a mama’s girl. I do not know why life scares me sometimes but I do know that life would be a lot scarier if it weren’t for my parents. They are opinionated, infuriating, intelligent, emotional people (which I love about them when we’re not screaming at each other) but sometimes they are so discreetly supportive that I am reminded that despite my relentless loneliness, my parents’ love and devotion has never been doubted. And for that, I am very grateful.

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Alexia

I drink, I laugh, I smoke, I write.

8 thoughts on “Thank You”

  1. I can actually relate to this very much…although I don’t have such access to the emotional support of my parents. I do have a puppy. She doesn’t soeak but has an uncanny ability to know just what’s wrong.

    1. I am very, VERY lucky with my parents. My father and I have a wrought relationship but, ultimately, I know he lives for children and, ultimately, a child cannot ask for more. As for my mother… obviously she has flaws, and we fight, but we are very close, and her approval is very important to me. But most importantly of all, we all laugh together, with each other…. we have fun as a family… Not many people can be grateful for their family. Despite their shortcomings, I am very lucky to have been raised in a loving open-minded, intellectual environment.

      1. I love the new header as well. My parents are still together and I can’t say I ever wanted for anything, but my younger brother required a lot of attention: physical and emotional. There wasn’t much left for me. It’s strange but I live far away from them now and it somehow makes it easier. I guess I don’t have to constantly face myself in the mirror about not being closer to them…I’m 7 hours away. Done and done.

        You are very, very lucky.

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