Today I woke up and smiled. I haven’t done that in a while. I got out of bed immediately. I ate strawberries and Greek yoghurt. I drank green tea. I organized my closets. I played music. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve listened to music? Every song brought back painful memories. Today though, Bob and Joni and Tori and Fiona and Angus and Julia and I cleaned my room. Sorry, PJ, yes, you too. I love iTunes Shuffle today.
I doo-bee-doo-ed around all morning until I got to my bed. Tearing the sheets off (so cathartic), I noticed black smudges on my pillow. Well, what do we have here? For a moment, I couldn’t figure out what they were.
Then I remembered.
I was a mess this summer. I know, I know, tell you something you don’t know. Well, did you know that at some point I was incapable of even putting cases on my pillows? I slept like that for weeks. When my mother found me one day (late afternoon, still in bed), she was horrified. I didn’t understand why. Looking back though, the recollection stings. I had become a self-destructive vampire. Those smudges? Mascara stains from crying myself to sleep.
Those days are gone. No longer do I spend all day in the dark. No longer do I only go out at night. I am learning how to have fun without drinking. No longer am I unwilling to admit when I am struggling. Hello, Self, despite the S on your chest, you know you’re not actually Superwoman, right? In fact, I think letting go of my pride has helped me become stronger, I think (I hope) because I am better prepared. To be a better warrior, one must be aware of one’s weaknesses, otherwise their strengths are redundant. You are only as strong as your weakest link and all that.
I will probably feel differently tomorrow but right now I feel good. Not great, not happy, just… hopeful. Today I can believe that everything is getting better. And what better time is there to start a new meme?!
I give you…
The Meme I Found Somewhere on Tumblr and Decided to Steal
Okay, actually, I am starting this tomorrow. Or later today. Think of this post as a trailer. Right now laundry awaits. MY LIFE IS SO GLAMOUROUS.