Do Panic

Tight. As if my heart shrunk. It goes boom, boom, boom like I’m playing my panic too loud. There are no earmuffs for this. My fingers are filled with tiny bells and they tingle terribly when they’re still. Feelings are floating around in bubbles and they POP one by one. With every movement, I think my bones might break. My mind is shaking. I hear things which have no sounds. I clasp my hands together to make myself feel real. I’m watching sedimentary senses swarm and form pretty, nonsensical patterns and I think, I should feel this! Why are you leaving me with nothing but the rejects of emotion? This is like one of those bad dreams in which the world rushes around you, teasing, while you, paralysed, stare, because you have no choice.

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I drink, I laugh, I smoke, I write.

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