1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
I set myself on fire. I went to America. I drank gin voluntarily.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year I broke my resolutions so fast I can’t even remember if I made any.
Next year I plan on: submitting my novel, moving out and healing my scar tissue so that get a motherfucking tan.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. At least, I don’t think so.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My uncle died. We weren’t particularly close but he was a philosopher and a poet and he was always gentle and I loved him.
5. What countries did you visit?
I went to Miami as a glorified nanny. I hated it because the children were rude and ungrateful. They mocked my burns which had not quite healed. I got barely any time off. I did buy some pretty shoes though. Plus, I went to NASA. Awesome.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
I would like to have a city life: the ‘burbs are boring me. I would like the roots of a career in writing. I would like to have someone’s hand to hold.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
My birthday party. We’re still talking about it!
I dressed up as a sheep for carnival and ending up setting myself on fire. Note to self: hairspray, cotton wool and tealights (yes, even one teensy tea-light) is a baaad idea.
People often ask me, ‘Did it hurt?’ What do you think, genius?
I remember lying on the gurney surrounded by my friends (a Dalmation, a parrot and Minnie Mouse, respectively) and saying, ‘Guys… this is going to be really funny one day.’
And it was.
I have never felt relief the way I did I was released from hospital, not even when my bladder’s bursting and I finally get to pee. I cried for the first time since my accident and I did it for twenty solid minutes. I got to put on clothes! It took me a few minutes to get into the car because of the open wounds but almost there, almost there. I watched the hospital shrink in the rear-view mirror. I close my eyes and felt the sun on my face. I felt a trapdoor opened up inside me and my soul was falling through to a deeper level. I felt connected to everything. I knew that nothing would be the same and everything would be alright. I ate for the first time in over a week: sushi. How typically random.
Friday. I thought I’d finally met someone. He was dynamic and self-assured. He brought me newspaper clippings he thought I’d like and chocolates and tea. He stroked my face and called me his woman. He looked at me as though I was crazy and said he was attracted to my innocence. He rearranged the words on my magnetic board to write: my blow will manipulate yours in from the sky.
Wednesday. After he dropped me off, I closed the door, slid to the floor and sat there for almost half an hour thinking, I’m in trouble. I thought he was going to be the love of my life, the one you never forget.
I was wrong.
I think I’ve spewed enough heart-break poetry over what happened. Suffice to say,
There are other important dates too: my friendshipaversary with Hope, and a few other landmarks that I can’t write here.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Dealing with my accident with a smile, with humour, with courage. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I couldn’t have asked more of myself. Under duress, I became the woman I’d always wanted to be. I’ve digressed from that a little now but this is the year that I found myself.
My biggest achievement this year is believing in myself. I finally proved to myself what everyone else already seemed to know: that I am strong.
Other achievements include: socialising without being drunk, growing my hair long and eating fairly healthily.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Finally finding what I’ve been looking for and being so nervous about screwing up that I screwed up.
And then taking too long to get over it.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I didn’t do much shopping this year but I’m in love with my faux-fur vest with the awesome woolly hood I just got for Christmas.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Every beautiful soul that went above and beyond for me when I was in hospital: my mother, my friends, acquaintances, colleagues. Thank you for never leaving my side, for the phone-calls, for the timid messages, for the macaroons, for wanting to fly home to be with me, for the cards, for making me laugh, for the wheel-chair rides. Your kindness and support overwhelmed me every day. It still does. I had no idea so many people cared about me and I have never felt more loved in my life. It made the whole experience worth it.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
A couple of friends let me down. They didn’t do anything awful… they just didn’t do what friends are supposed to do. It’s sad and every now and then I still miss them but I think, out of everyone I know, being disappointed by two people is a pretty good percentage!
Also, my heart got broken. He didn’t didn’t do anything so terrible to me either except pull me onto a ride he had no intention of staying on. Breaking promises is a terrible habit. He could have been a little bit more careful.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Taxis! Okay, fine… tequila.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Zari and Steph.
One year friendshipaversay.
The last week of the year- so many parties!
16. What song will always remind of you 2009?
Lex on Fire by Kings of Leon
(for obvious reasons)
This Time Tomorrow by The Kinks
Perfect Day by Lou Reed
Holdin’ On by Citizen Cope
Stranger by Usher
(shh, don’t judge me)
Gotta Lotta Walls by Atmosphere
Here’s Looking at You, Kid by The Gaslight Anthem
Blood, Tears and Gold by Hurts
Bad Reputation by Joan Jett
17. Compared to this time last year, are:
a)happier or sadder?
b)thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
Sadder (but not pretending I’m fine).
Fatter (but not obsessing over food).
Poorer (but writing all the time).
I am okay with all this.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Maybe exercised. Not much else. It was a pretty full year.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Analysing. Who cares what that look, that touch, that exclamation mark meant? Also, drinking. I’d like to remember more of the good times I had.
20. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Yes. Unwillingly, unwittingly, unfortunately.
21. What was your favourite TV program?
True Blood. True story.
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
For the first time in years, I hated someone. It was strange. And refreshing.
I don’t think I hate anyone now though.
23. What was the best book you read?
I didn’t read much this year. I was too busy drinking.
I did buy a few books recently. I’m a third of the way through Little Gods and stuck there.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Atmosphere, Beirut, Citizen Cope, Noah and the Whale, Tracy Chapman… I am so fricking random…
25. What did you want and get?
I wanted… a strong sense of self, to stand up for what I believe in, to care less that people think, a denim jacket… I got them.
26. What did you want and not get?
I wanted love.
27. What was your favourite film of this year?
New York, I Love You.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
My birthday was spectacular.
I turned 25 on January 25th so we partied like it was 1925!
My best friend flew over from England. We hung up curled gold ribbons from the ceiling. We put ice in the sink. Prohibition party anyone? I wore a black number with long beaded strands. We replaced the light-bulbs with red ones. We adopted aliases and characters: Holly- the high-class escort, Ava- the lesbian, Pearl- the gangsters moll, Mickey- the boy from the wrong side of the tracks that knows Holly’s real identity, Ulysses- the scientist, Slick Rick- the detective, the gangsters- Big Tony, Little Tony, Frankie Boy…. sigh. Good times.The lights went out and everyone sand Happy Birthday. That’s how it ended at 4:30am. Best. Birthday. Ever.
29. How you would describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Quirky. Preppy. Grungy. I guess.
30. What kept you sane?
My friends. They are simply wonderful.
And alcohol. Sad, but true.
31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ryan Kwanten, call me because we’re supposed to have babies together.
32. Who did you miss?
The usual suspects. And an asshole for good measure.
33. Who was the best new person you met?
I absolutely adore my new friends: Koukou for always looking out for me and his facial expressions. Sparrow for his radio voice, gentle manner and understanding what I mean when I say he’s a Special Carer. The Gardener for providing some necessary stability. The Captain for showing me a good time, for listening, for not being scared of my issues.
34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
That I do the best that I can and that needs to be enough sometimes. I learnt that strength is relative. That we surprise ourselves by what we can endure. That I am not nearly as weak as I thought. That I am not weak. I learnt that sometimes timing is more important that love and chemistry. I learnt that sometimes a lot of shit gets thrown at you just when you think you can’t take it anymore. But you can.
35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I’m sorry that this is the most lyrical of posts. It was harder than I thought it would be to write. Perhaps this one is more for me than for you. It’s been a long year. I have never looked forward to midnight so much in my life. Fuck you, 2010!