I’m All About Contradictions

Yesterday I walked alone just to watch strangers and their Christmas smiles. I made wishes on electric stars in trees. You know, I thought I was superwoman. I thought setting myself on fire wouldn’t matter as long as I kept smiling. No one believed me. I remembered what my screams tasted like and I almost started crying. I bought something just because it’s so soft I think hugs will last longer when I wear it. I danced with a boy and suddenly it wasn’t platonic and I liked it so I ran away. There are too many shadows on my memory but I remember bathroom bonding and corner kisses and shoulder sleeps. On Christmas morning, I was still drunk. I made thirty-three paper snowflakes to break the tropical weather. I’m all about contradictions. Leather and lace. Feminine tomboy. Lonely commiment-phobe. He said many sweet things but I will not call him because pride is a hard thing to break. Sometimes my soul collapses and I can’t even stand up straight. Every time I realise how many people love me I think, I’ve got to be doing something right, even though I don’t know what that something is. My friends got me stoned on second-hand smoke and I didn’t realise until I laughed so hard I started crying. Maybe I was just crying.

I’ve been asshole with catching up on all your posts. I’m sorry, I’ve just been so busy socialising! It’s a hard life. I hope you are all having a wonderful time. Faceless or not, I am rather fond of you all, dear readers, and so I would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a fantastic final week for 2010!

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Published by

Alexia

I drink, I laugh, I smoke, I write.

14 thoughts on “I’m All About Contradictions”

  1. thanks 🙂 same to you.
    me off on a short trip to a city of temples called Hampi. Yippy!

    “pride is a hard thing to break” – true.

    Contradicting my comment on ‘I Never Realised Life Could Be So Simple,’
    “Life is simple, it’s just not easy.”
    🙂

  2. Commitment phobe boy I liked didn’t want relationship with- so right now I’m nursing the wounds. Insight appreciated!

    Would you settle if you thought it was worth it?

    And hope you have an awesome 2011 too! Here’s to more great writing and faceless friendships!

    1. Absolutely. Actually, this is why yesterday my friend told me I wasn’t a commitment-phobe, I just can’t find someone to tick all the boxes. However, when I remember the way I acted around The Neanderthal, someone I really wanted to be with, I can’t quite agree. The pressure was too much and I became awkward and silly and shy. So who knows? Hope it gets better for you soon, darling x

  3. Your writing is so evocative and speaks the pain of a thousand experiences – mine included. Hope 2011 will be everything 2010 was not. To happy times ahead and more brilliant, brilliant writing. x

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