I Never Realised Life Could Be So Simple

I said, ”It’s like, before there was a luna park in my head: neon lights and electric noises and laughter that’s too loud and cotton candy and oh look let’s shoot some epiphanies! But there was also the roller-coaster (but I don’t like being scared) and the House of Horrors and some paedophile lurking in a corner, waiting to pluck my innocence. My mind was a luna park and now it’s the ocean: waves stroking shores, the odd seagull, the gentle click-clacking of a type-writer, the sound sand makes between my toes.”

She said, “I think this is the real you.”

I said, “I was scared of silly things, I realise that now. I was scared of saying no to shots, of not being able to be everything to everyone, of not being crazy and random and memorable. But I don’t need that extra shot these days, and I don’t want to try to be everything to everyone because it’s exhausting, and I’m still crazy and random and now, when people people remember me, it won’t be as that funny drunk that calls everyone darling; they’ll remember me. I had legitimate fears too, of not being able to write, of losing my passion, of not being flooded with honey every time I look at the sunset but it’s all okay. I can still write and passion cannot be dulled and life is just as colourful as ever. It’s just that I can enjoy it now, more than ever, without all that noise in my head.”

I said, “I never realised most people lived like this. I never realised life could be so fucking simple.”

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Published by

Alexia

I drink, I laugh, I smoke, I write.

14 thoughts on “I Never Realised Life Could Be So Simple”

  1. ‘I’m still crazy and random and now, when people remember me, it won’t be as that funny drunk that calls everyone darling; they’ll remember me.’

    I love that you’re so quotable.

  2. felt nice reading parts of this 🙂

    I don’t think life is simple… but we can try to be.

    “And there are no tears
    Just pity and fear
    And a vast ravine
    Right in between” – Death Cab For Cutie

    love the snow! 😀

  3. “I was scared of saying no to shots, of not being able to be everything to everyone, of not being crazy and random and memorable.”

    This gets me somehow. It’s not the shot taking (because even though you say shots it’s not about the fucking shots), it’s an echoing of the simple desire in all of us to find some form of immortality in the people we meet. And this is why we write or paint. Why we let people in. Why we try to show them something apart from themselves. To establish that we exist and that other people understand this and can therefore no longer ignore our being there, right there, inhabiting the exact same space as them and yet not being them. Because you don’t think about being you while you’re doing it. You just are. You don’t think about people who don’t make an impression. Because they don’t stand apart from you. They have shown you nothing you can’t already see in a mirror.

    This might not be the intention of this piece, but that’s the part that sticks with me in some expanded form between the sentences. It’s the invisible part that makes the rest of this make sense. To me.

  4. Sometimes when I’m enjoying a moment of peace alone-when the noise is gone and the inside of my mind is in that lovely stage right before it wakes up- I recognise how simple and beautiful life is.

    The noise is what makes you recognise it though.

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