Two-hundred and Fifty-two: Secrets for Sale

We are oceans of secrets:
pebbles of pain, butterfly wing crushes, filthy pleasures.

And we measure them inside,
stack their worth on an abacus to calculate the risk:
darkness of confession + compassion of audience= ?

We walk around with our secrets all day.
Like junk in our pocket tainting us like ghostly fingerprints.
Like pearls of sweat or ruby devil horns.
Like gold dust, stars in our hair, holding hands like apples.

We carry our secrets everywhere we go and,
sometimes, we pull one out and we gift-wrap it:
here, this is for you.
Little presents of our essence, pieces of our soul.
And we are supposed to feel better.
We are suppose to feel relief in this release,
light as whipped cream, float like a bubble.

But I don’t.

I don’t sell my secrets; I let them steal them.
I let them cheapen them with words.
But secrets spoken become fake jewels.
They stop being mine; they fade into grey.
They’re not magic anymore.

I’m not going to lie, amigos, I am getting tired of spewing out a poem a day. I mean, I can do it (‘cos I’m like a writing superhero, combatting stagnancy one metaphor at a time!) but I am… bored. It’s that simple. As this year rolls by, December 31st glows more and more. I can’t say that it’s been a bad one but I think that says more about my attitude than the weight of my experiences.

So, one hundred poems or so to go. Almost there.

(Damn it, I should labelled my first poem as 365 and counted down. Curses. Never mind, I’ll just do it next year. Jokes, of course.)

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Published by

Alexia

I drink, I laugh, I smoke, I write.

9 thoughts on “Two-hundred and Fifty-two: Secrets for Sale”

  1. When I was posting something once a day, scheduling out, feeling awkward when my self-imposed deadline approached and I had nothing…
    I started to burn out, too.
    Now I fall back on mindful silence. It’s easier to create when you don’t have the nagging pressure.

  2. ‘We carry our secrets everywhere we go and,
    sometimes, we pull one out and we gift-wrap it:
    here, this is for you’

    Love. This is how I felt when I wrote my post yesterday. I always get a tad paranoid after sharing a secret. I wonder how long the relationship will last, and if they would still keep my secret even after it ends.

    About your 365- maybe next year you can write every once in TWO days 😀

    And you ARE a writing superhero. Okay really long comment. Awkward!

    1. Sometimes, when I’ve been drinking, I’ll tell someone a secret and it’s usually underwhelming and I’ll feel like I cheated, or like I wasted it; like I could have kept it for a better moment.

      I’ll probably be writing just as much next year, it’s just that it won’t all be poetry!

      And I love your comment- the longer the better!

  3. Your secrets are not so easily uncovered. Sure the casual reader rubs their lips across it and says, “ooh how pretty,” but it takes a little more work work to uncover the the real answers within the wrappers.

    Get bored if you like switch things up after Dec 31 if you most let us in on some of the other layers of Alexis. Just don’t think about disappearing.

  4. you can always switch and start counting down from here! do it! and i thought this poem was beauuutiful. i’d get tired of it too, i can’t do something consistently for 20 days in a row, like take pictures, which i love doing..

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