now that i think about it, i guess i never trusted you.
with everyone else i am easy, breezy, beautiful; spirals
of smiles, honeyed hands, dancing, daring eyes. that
day at the pier, i lied. safe, i said. you make me feel
safe. i know why. your gaze was so clean, your words
were so simple; you deceived me. i felt safe in your
certainty. i got swept away by your supposed passion
for me. but my gut is stronger than you. it reached up
and pulled my heart back. it tried. my eyes jumped
forward and my body held back. i always did do
things backwards. i knew from the start that you
would leave, i just didn’t believe it. you’d think
that, after years of walls and doubt and flames,
i wouldn’t be so naive. i just hoped that, after
2733 days of fear, it would be alright if i started
to believe that i too could experience libra love.